Unchain My Heart
by Sailor Moonac
Summary: Dean thought he understood Castiel and his motivations. But when Castiel appears before Dean in another vessel, everything finally clicks and Dean realises HE was the one that never understood anything. Dean/female!Castiel. Spoilers up to 6x20.


**Author's Note: **Recently in the Supernatural fandom, there was some debate about whether or not Cas and Dean would be considered a canon couple regardless of whether or not Castiel was in a female vessel instead of Jimmy. This was due to SpoilerTV's poll on greatest romantic TV couples, **which Dean and Castiel won!** Yay! There were some strong arguments made for both sides and quite frankly, I wouldn't step into _any_ Supernatural fandom argument with anything less than a mile long pole.

But that and along with episode 20 inspired this story. And my only input on Cas being in a female vessel is that: 1) Castiel wouldn't have lasted any more than a few episodes like Misha Collins was originally scheduled for in season four if he had walked into that barn in a female vessel and, 2) Dean and Cas would undoubtedly have been written as a romantic couple had Cas been in a female vessel, _especially_ if he suddenly changed vessels after being in Jimmy for so long since the framework of that relationship has already been set. For me, I ship Dean/Castiel in any vessel since it's Cas, the angel, not Cas who is in a male vessel or whatever. Just not in Claire though since she's a kid.

Hence this one-shot. Story notes are at the end. **Spoilers up to 6x20 and MATURE rated** due to sexual content. **No Slash**, Dean/female!Castiel. Oh, and **major** **angst**, if that counts as a warning. This is set arbitrarily sometime after episode 20.

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><p>Unchain My Heart<p>

By: Sailor Moonac

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><p>Dean Winchester has been a hunter long enough to know when he is being followed. And right now, he's being followed. Knowing what he now knows about Castiel and Crowley, Dean wasn't surprised about being followed. Castiel had been <em>spying<em> on them. _Them_, his family, his friends, his—

Dean wasn't going to think about that tonight. Dean flagged the bartender for another shot of whiskey and tried to ignore the prickling feeling of being watched on the back of his neck. Thanking the bartender, Dean discretely surveyed the bar, noticing the usual suspects. Bikers, truckers, women—lots of good looking women, especially the one in the tight pencil skirt, the scattered groups of drunken college kids, but no awkward, stiff, angel in a tan trench coat. Dean snorted mildly to himself as he finished his finger of whiskey. Of course the _bastard_ could turn himself _invisible_. Or something like that.

Dean flagged down the bartender for another shot of whiskey and ignored the prickling feeling at the back of his neck. As hurtful as Castiel's comments were, he was also right. Dean was just a human being, a man. And until Bobby figured out the correct Enochian angel warding, there wasn't anywhere on Earth Dean could hide. So Dean drank his whiskey, ignoring all men, women, and angels, hoping to forget or at the least dull the pain of Castiel's betrayal.

Dean returned to the motel room he was sharing with Sam that night and collapsed onto his bed, falling asleep near instantaneously. Sam eyed his brother, worried, but didn't comment on the stink of cheap alcohol and instead set a large cup of water by his brother's bedside table and the rubbish bin within reach for the hangover Dean was surely going to have in the morning. Sam silently returned to his laptop, for once glad he and Castiel didn't share a 'profound bond,' as Dean reminded him on one odd occasion before remembering Sam didn't remember that conversation, or something like that. Though Sam cared about their angel friend and would have gladly given his life to protect him before, it wasn't the same anymore. Now, all he could see was that Castiel is the enemy. Sam glanced at his brother's slumbering form, frowning in sympathy when Dean groaned, distress clearly written on his sleeping profile. If Sam had to measure the pain Dean was surely feeling, he imagined it was probably on the level of what Sam inflicted years ago when he pounded his brother into the ground before turning his back, and following Ruby to release Lucifer. Of course, the circumstances surrounding both betrayals are quite similar.

Sam sat back in his seat and resisted the urge to slam his laptop shut with a bang, instead closing the lid silently, drowning the room in darkness. Sam rubbed his face wearily with both hands and looked upward towards the ceiling, taking little interest in the different facets of light that danced across the ceiling. Sam closed his eyes to pray (curse) to Castiel.

'_Dear Castiel. You're an arsehole you know that. And you're probably spying on us again, aren't you? Well spy away. As you can see, we've got a whole lot of nothing. But you know what, I just want to ask, were you ever our friend? I mean, do you even know what a friend means? Sure, you've saved our live a lot of times, but that doesn't make you a friend. _

'_A friend is someone that always has your back, that you can _trust_. A friend…_' Sam opened his eyes to look at his brother and made a motion towards Dean. '_A friend doesn't leave someone they care about in that state. _

'_Your reasons may sound good to you, but if they _only_ sound good to you, then it generally means you're _wrong_. Please Cas, I'm praying to you. Don't do this, please don't do this. Don't do this to us, to _Dean_. I know you care about him. And Dean can't…he can't take another betrayal like this. Please, Cas. Don't make the same mistake I made. Please._'

Sam surveyed the room, straining to listen for some sign that Castiel was watching them at that time. But after several very silent moments, Sam threw up his arms in defeat and followed his brother's example and went to bed. But not before tucking an angel blade underneath his pillow within easy reach.

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><p>"Cas is following us," proclaimed Dean the next morning over breakfast with Sam.<p>

Sam stabbed his fork into his vegetable omelette bitterly. "Yeah, I know."

Dean turned around to scrutinise the diner before returning his attention to Sam. "Yeah, I can feel that bastard watching us from the back of my neck and you know what just pisses me off? The fact that he won't even show his _fucking _face!"

Sam shrugged off his brother's foul mouth, silently fuming and agreeing. "Can't do a thing about it though. Bobby still hasn't figured out the angel warding. And there isn't a plethora of friendly angels we can ask to ward against themselves now is there? I mean, Bobby said Cas did it once with just one sigil when were in Colt's time, but Bobby tried that, and it obviously didn't work."

Dean glanced around the diner surreptitiously as he did the night before in the bar. Again, there were the usual patrons. Truck drivers, two families with little kids, a business woman, and a handful of elderly individuals eating a silent breakfast on their own. "Damn it…" Dean silently returned to his breakfast. "You know, now that I know Cas is following us, I get that feeling all the time," Dean rubbed the back of his neck. "You know, the hunter instinct, that we're being followed. I don't know if it's because I now _know_ we're being stalked, or what."

Sam nodded, recognising what Dean was talking about. "I know. Did you have it before, like when Bobby made the Superman and Kryptonite comment?"

"Hmn? No. Probably ignored it since I didn't know."

Sam nodded absently, remembering the same instinct or feeling, whatever it is, that he gets when being watched by whatever he's hunting. Discretely, Sam adjusted the angel blade attached to his belt under his jacket. Sam prayed to…whatever was out there, just not God or Castiel, that he will never have to use that blade against Castiel. Watching his brother angrily eat his heart-clogging breakfast, Sam knew Dean would never be able to raise that blade against Castiel to deal a fatal blow. And Sam sure hoped he would never have to either.

"Come on, let's get the hell out of here. If Cas is going to be stalking us for the rest of the day, I might as well be inside my baby with some good old fashion rock music."

Sam nodded as he ignored the remains of his mutilated omelette and followed his brother from the diner. Like his brother, Sam cast a searching glance around the whole of the diner, noticing there wasn't a single tan article of clothing anywhere. Sam sighed and got into the Impala with Dean, wincing when Dean turned up Metallica but didn't comment.

"How about we switch off driving? I want to get back to Bobby as soon as possible."

"Dean, we're over a day away from Sioux Falls. Even if we switch off, we still need a break."

Dean shot Sam an annoyed glance but didn't debate the issue further. Dean sped off from the diner, rubbing his neck absently, vaguely noticing the absence of the feeling of being watched.

It was hours later when they stopped at a rundown family owned gas station to refill the Impala that Dean noticed the feeling of being watched had returned. Dean's skin prickled with bumps as the hairs on the back of his neck and arm stood up, despite the warm day. Dean's eyes instinctively sought out Sam and he exhaled silently in relief as he found his brother standing in line behind a businesswoman at the register, waiting to pay for their quick lunch. This time, without bothering to be discrete, Dean scanned the area, hoping to find some sign that Castiel was watching him. As before, there was nothing.

Sam returned with their purchases. "Dean? What's wrong?"

"I'm getting the feeling we're being watched again. And quite frankly it's _fucking annoying_!" shouted Dean angrily as he slammed his fist onto the roof of the Impala. Sam glanced around nervously, smiling awkwardly as the patrons from the other pumps and the store turned to give Dean a weird look.

"Yeah, I know Dean. Come on, let's go."

Dean nodded tersely as he angrily got into Impala and drove off, hoping to leave behind the prickling feeling of being watched.

"Here," said Sam as he passed Dean a chilled water bottle.

Dean grunted his thanks and pressed the bottle to his neck, shivering slightly and grateful that the chill of the cold bottle suppressed the tingling that had been plaguing him since last night.

Dean and Sam had stopped at a small family restaurant hours later for dinner. Once again, the feeling returned as Dean was led to his dinner table. After sitting down, Dean automatically placed his head into his arms and groaned, resisting the urge to rub his neck as Sam looked on in concern.

"The feeling again?"

"You know it," mumbled Dean. Dean then abruptly stood up, startling their waitress as he brusquely passed her, throwing an apology over his shoulder about using the restroom.

Inside the men's room, Dean quickly scanned the bottom of the stalls casually pretended to use the sink when he heard the toilet flush. After waiting a couple of minutes for the restroom to clear out, Dean bolted the lock from the inside, effectively preventing any unwanted interruptions.

Dean closed his eyes. "Dear Castiel, you annoying dick. I pray that you _leave me the fuck alone_! Because you know what?" growled Dean angrily as he pulled out a pocket knife and slit his palm. "I'm sick of you! I'm sick of feeling like you're watching me every second of the day. And you are aren't you? I can feel you, you bastard!" Dean stuffed away his pocket knife and started drawing the very familiar angel banishing sigil on the wall of the restroom. After drawing the signal, Dean pressed his bloody hand to the centre of the sigil.

Nothing happened. There was no burst of light, no scream, no glowing sigil, no wind, no sign that anything happened. And the creeping sensation of being watched didn't go away.

"Fuck…" Dean pressed his forehead to the sigil, ignoring the blood. "Just stop Cas. Please…" Both Dean and Castiel, if he was listening in, knew that Dean didn't just mean to stop following him.

Nearly ten minutes later, Dean returned to the table where Sam had ordered a plate of home fries for Dean. Sam noticed Dean's bound left hand with blood seeping through the handkerchief but didn't ask and instead, offered to go to the Impala to get the medical kit.

"Don't bother." Dean smiled pleasantly to the waitress who returned to for his order and leaned back to survey to customers of the restaurant once she had left.

"Cas isn't here. Well, not that I can see anyway," offered Sam.

"Yeah, probably." But Dean still inspected the customers until his and Sam's order arrived.

Dean picked at his dinner with disinterest. The constant tingling sensation of being watched unnerved him and suppressed any appetite he had. Sam too seemed to feel the same way as he ate half his salad before calling it quits. Dean sighed as he flagged down the waitress and dug in his pockets for his car keys. "Shit…"

"Hmn? Dean?"

The waitress had returned with the bill and Sam thanked her while Dean dug furiously in his jacket pockets for the keys to the Impala. "Damn, I must have dropped it in the restroom. I'll be right back Sammy."

Sam nodded as Dean brushed past the waitress to head to the restroom once again. Dean mentally cursed himself, gripping his injured left hand tightly in a fist as he tried to ignore the fact that the constant feeling of being watched was really getting to him. There was no privacy, no safe thoughts, no hiding place, no nothing. There was nowhere Dean could go to escape Castiel's prying eyes. There was nowhere Dean could go to stop and just _think_.

Dean entered the restroom and immediately spotted his car keys under the sink where he had washed away the bloody sigil. Exhaling a small sigh of relief, Dean retrieved the keys and exited the restroom and paused again to scrutinise the room again. There was no one looking in Dean's direction and no familiar tan trench coat in sight. Everyone went about their own business; the family that tried to get their three young children to eat their food instead of throwing it around; the three busy waitresses and a single waiter moving through the tables serving customers with a plastic smile, the two businessmen [lovers?] quarrelling with the words 'wife' and 'gay' interspersed in between; the multitudes of couples enjoying each other's company over a quiet meal; the family celebrating a birthday party; the single woman who ate her meal silently in the corner—

Dean made his way back to Sam and grabbed his jacket off the back of his chair and pulled it on before tossing his keys to Sam. Sam caught it with surprise as he raised an eyebrow at his brother. "Could you get a room at that motel we passed along the way? What's it called—"

"Heavenly Sleep Motel?"

Dean grimaced at the name, which Sam copied. "No, definitely not that one. Excuse me," called out Dean as he flagged down their waitress. "What's the closest motel or inn within walking distance from here?"

"Uhh, there should be a Motel 6 about a block from here," replied their waitress as she pointed to the back of the restaurant.

"Thanks," replied Dean as he passed the woman a tip. "Sam, take the Impala there and text me with the room number okay?"

"Wait, where are you going?" asked Sam as he stood up and pulled on his jacket.

"I need some air. And if anything, some semblance of privacy."

Sam nodded understandingly and clapped a hand on his brother's shoulder once before leaving the restaurant. Dean silently watched his brother leave the restaurant before counting to three and turned to head towards the corner.

Dean sat down at the table where the woman was eating her meal silently. The woman looked up, appearing surprised, but her face seemed unable to shape itself into a look of shock and instead looked mildly spastic. Dean looked the woman over. She was undoubtedly a beautiful woman with long legs and curves that filled out her bust and her hips, as emphasised by her tight black pencil skirt. She wore a low cut lavender button up blouse that clung just tightly enough to show her full bust and skinny waist and accessorised with black stiletto pumps. She had long wavy honey brown hair with long bangs that framed her angular face and accentuated her large striking blue eyes. Beautiful, and angelic.

Dean sat back in his chair across from the woman, half a scowl formed on his face and half just plain weary. "Where's Jimmy?"

The woman blinked once slowly before wetting her lips with her tongue. "I'm sorry? I think you have me confused—"

"Cut the shit Cas," replied Dean tersely, quietly. Her voice was melodic, unlike the usual growl Dean was familiar with.

The woman blinked once more deliberately before setting down her fork. "How did you know it was me Dean?"

Dean snorted slightly. "I've been seeing you in passing since last night. At the bar, this morning at the diner, at the gas station, and now here. If you haven't noticed Cas, I'm rather fond of beautiful women with big boobs and a curvy arse. Not to mention all you've done was move the food around on your plate and not actually eat it." Dean paused. "You have the same eyes too."

"I see," answered Castiel musically and pushing a strand of hair over shoulder. Dean eyes followed Castiel's hand as it pushed that strand of hair that fell over the swell of her cleavage over her shoulder. He tore his gaze away to look out the window.

"What the hell are you doing Cas? Why are you stalking me looking like _this_?"

Castiel folded her hands over her lap and turned to look out the window, watching the same boring scenery Dean was watching. "I wanted to make sure Crowley kept good on his promise—"

"And what promise was that?"

"To not harm you or Sam."

Dean snorted. "Don't you mean you wanted to make sure we didn't figure out where Crowley was hiding? Or maybe you don't want us to figure out where Purgatory was before you—"

"It's not—" cut in Castiel's very feminine voice. "It's not like that." Castiel fell silent as her waitress returned with the check, which Dean took and paid. Castiel watched Dean silently as he passed one of his many fake credit cards to the waitress who returned quickly with the receipt for Dean to sign. Within a minute, they were left alone again.

Castiel wet her lips again. "It's not like that," repeated Castiel quietly.

"Then what Cas?"

"I care about you. About your brother—"

"Then stop, Cas. Stop searching for Purgatory. Stop working with Crowley—"

"I can't—"

"Why? Because you have a contract? That's not an excuse! You're more than powerful enough to kill Crowley without trying—"

"But not Raphael. Dean, this is the only thing I can do to fight Raphael—"

"And we've already gone over this! You should have come to me—"

"I did!" shouted Castiel, attracting the attention of the other occupants of the restaurant.

The single male waiter of the restaurant went to Castiel's side quickly. "Ma'am, is there a problem?" The male waiter gave Dean a dirty look. "Is this gentleman disturbing you?"

Castiel frowned but shook her head. "No. We were leaving. Thank you." Castiel stood up and cast Dean a glance before she headed towards the door. Dean quickly followed after Castiel after leaving a tip for on the table for Castiel's waitress.

Castiel was waiting outside for Dean, standing tall and awkward, in heels none the less. Dean stepped up beside Castiel, who glanced at him briefly before she started to walk towards Motel 6. Dean followed silently, allowing a few silent moments of just walking for the both of them to cool down. A rare opportunity Dean and Castiel just didn't seem to have recently.

Finally, when Motel 6's vacancy sign was visible, Dean stopped walking. Castiel too stopped and turned to face Dean. "What do you mean you did come to me?"

Castiel looked away, a familiar gesture in an unfamiliar vessel. "I…I did come to you. But I couldn't Dean. I couldn't…" Castiel turned back to face Dean, her eyes liquid and shinning and so much more heart breaking for Dean to look at compared to Jimmy's image. Dean ignored the urge to reach out and hug Castiel and instead clenched his injured hand tighter for the pain to distract him.

"You were…" Castiel turned to look away again. "You were raking leaves in Lisa's backyard alone."

Dean startled, recognising immediately when that was. The other times Dean had raked leaves at Lisa's, Ben was always there to help him, offering his playful services and generally making a big mess. But that time, that was the first time and Dean just needed to be _alone_. Dean swallowed, feeling his mouth go dry. "I had only been at Lisa's for a week."

Castiel nodded, absently watching a car drive by. "You weren't happy…but you had peace. You had sacrificed so much…and I just couldn't bring myself to ask you for more.

"Crowley came to me then to offer me this deal—"

"And I would gladly sacrifice that peace to help you Cas! Cas, you should have just—"

"I had one day to live."

Dean paused. "What?"

"I had one day to live," repeated Castiel, who finally turned back to face Dean. "Raphael had made me a proposition. Join him or die. And I couldn't die. I just couldn't allow myself to die. Because then I wouldn't be able to protect you from him and prevent the ensuing purge of the human race." Castiel shook her head, her eyes shining brightly, making her blue eyes seem like they were glowing. "I just couldn't. That's why I had to accept Crowley's deal—"

"Cas—"

"It was instant power, the power to survive Raphael's assault…" Castiel fell silent and shook her head before turning to head towards the motel again.

Dean stared after Castiel's lithe form for a few seconds before catching up to her. Dean opened his mouth but then snapped it shut audibly. What can he say that Castiel hasn't heard a dozen times already since they had found out about Castiel's betray—deal? If Dean looked at it logically, there wasn't much he could do. If Castiel stopped searching for Purgatory, then he—she wouldn't have the power to stop Raphael, and then the Apocalypse would be started again. But with Purgatory open, those monsters would flood the Earth, essentially destroying it. Either way, it seemed like they were doomed.

"There has to be some other way. There's just got to be!"

"Please, feel free to enlighten me with any ideas you have Dean."

Dean stopped and Castiel too stopped to turn and face him. "The Horseman's rings. I still have three of them. And I could probably get Death to let me borrow it again—"

"And we would never be able to get Raphael into the cage. Besides, opening the cage would allow Michael and Lucifer to escape again."

"Oh…" Dean fell silent again and ran a hand wearily through his short cropped hair. "Damn it, Cas…"

"As you can see, there's nothing else that can be done—"

"But I'm still going to stop you from opening Purgatory."

Castiel smiled bitterly, a depressingly worn smile that was familiar despite Castiel's visage. "I would expect nothing less…" muttered Castiel softly.

Dean drew his brows together. "Why are you in a different vessel anyway?"

Castiel blinked and turned away. "I wanted to return Jimmy to his family after everything he had sacrificed and…" Castiel cast Dean a hesitant glance before seeming to come to a resolve. Castiel turned and stepped into Dean's personal space, the top of her head only coming up to Dean's nose despite the heels.

"Cas…" Dean wrapped both hands around Castiel's arm and took a step back. Dean turned away to avoid looking at Castiel's ample cleavage and instead tried to suppress the warmth that was building low in his stomach.

Castiel shook her arms free from Dean's grip and instead took Dean's injured hand in her own. Carefully, she unwrapped the make-shift tourniquet, her soft smooth hands stroking Dean's calloused hands as she revealed the self-inflicted injury. Castiel ran a slender finger over the wound, looking up at Dean when he trembled and closed his eyes.

"It has a distance limitation."

"Huh?" Dean opened his eyes and instinctively met Castiel's bright, forlorn blue ones.

"The banishing sigil. You have to be relatively close for its effects to work. For future references."

"Cas…" Castiel broke eye contact with Dean and instead returned her attention to Dean's injured hand. Silently, she stroked Dean's wound once more before leaning down and pressing her lips to Dean's wound.

"Fuck Cas…" The familiar burning heat that accompanied Castiel's healing power spread from Castiel's soft, full lips to his fingertips, then up his arm into his chest before finally settling low in his groin. Dean closed his eyes, struggling to gain control of his libido as he felt the pain vanish from the hand that was being caressed by Castiel's soft slender hands and those full lips—

"Dean," whispered Castiel, reminiscent of her usual low growl.

"Fuck," repeated Dean before brutally ripping his hand from Castiel's hands and instead wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her against him to meet those luscious full lips, the other hand automatically tangling in Castiel's long hair. Dean ravaged Castiel, lips desperate to meet Castiel and never let her go as their tongues tangled in a parallel dance Castiel had shared previously with Meg. Dean sucked on Castiel's lip, tasting and smelling the usual ozone that surrounded Castiel like a tight cloak—that was uniquely Castiel. Castiel held both hands up to Dean's chest, neither gripping nor pushing, but met his lips eagerly on tiptoes. Dean finally pulled away with a loud smack, gasping for breath and leaned down to rest his forehead on Castiel's calm shoulders. Dean closed his eyes and focused on the feel of Castiel in his arms.

Castiel was soft and lithe and curved in the right places. Something familiar. Dean's heaving was sliding Castiel's bust up and down his chest, doing amazingly forbidden things to his libido. There was no doubt everything beneath him was woman, but the scent was uniquely Castiel. Dean opened his eyes, half expecting to see Castiel's usual male vessel, but instead saw the same woman with ravished, flushed features and slightly bruised lips that had evidently been kissed thoroughly. But it was easier that way. It was something familiar and not that strange, almost-tread-upon territory that Dean danced around when Castiel was male. It was so much easier to keep lying to himself when Castiel was male, that what he felt for Castiel was familial, _brotherly_, and not something else.

Now all of those illusions were shattered.

"You fucking bastard," growled Dean into Castiel's neck before pulling away to meet Castiel's lips in another desperate kiss that was reciprocated with equal fervour. This time, Castiel moved both arms from Dean's chest to wrap around Dean's neck. She pulled herself flushed against Dean, a soft moan escaping her lips when she felt Dean's arousal poking her thighs. "Fuck you Cas. Just fuck you. You knew didn't you?"

Castiel didn't respond but instead pressed her lips to Dean's again, a fervent sort of anguish evident as if she never wanted to be separate from Dean. And maybe that was the case, reflected Dean. Because Castiel obviously knew, probably better than Dean would ever admit to, that what they had between them was always separated by Dean's reticence over Castiel's male form. But this was still _Castiel_. And every barrier that had been built between them for so many years just crumbled and Dean tore his lips from Castiel's again, hissing "motel room" before his lips were enveloped by Castiel's again.

Dean felt his feet sweep under him, and the next moment he fell sideways into a bed, instinctively curling his arm protectively around Castiel's small form. Dean blinked rapidly, allowing his eyes to adjust to the change in lighting and noticed the Motel 6 sign outside the translucent curtains. "Cas—"

Castiel interrupted Dean by rolling them until she was on top and entreated another ardent kiss to Dean's lips, which Dean returned, ignoring the light-headed fog descending over his brain. But Castiel abruptly broke off the kiss and rested a tender hand on Dean's forehead before whispering, "Breathe."

So Dean breathed, the fog in his brain disappearing as he caught his breath. Castiel watched him, a small solitary smile graced upon her features as she pressed a tender kiss to Dean's nose. "Dean Winchester," started Castiel in an intimate whisper. "I would do anything for you…"

Dean nodded while gasping for breath and closed his eyes to enjoy the feel of Castiel's cool, soft hands on his forehead. "I know…I know."

"I would kill my brothers…" Castiel pressed a kiss to Dean's cheek. "I would defy the Devil…" Another kiss was pressed to Dean's opposite cheek. "I would defy _God_…" A kiss was placed upon Dean's chin. "I would destroy the world…" Castiel removed her hand from Dean's forehead and placed a tender kiss against it. "All for you. All to keep you safe."

Dean caught Castiel's face between his hands and like magnets, their eyes met again. "I know…Cas."

Castiel turned and pressed a kiss to his formerly injured palm. "That's why I can't stop…" Castiel leaned down to kiss Dean again, this time slowly, calmly, and passionately. Castiel pulled away, her lips still hovering over Dean's, their breaths mingling in between. "Stop me Dean, because I won't be able to stop…"

Dean closed his eyes briefly before releasing Castiel's face to turn them over so that he was leaning over Castiel instead. "Not tonight Cas. Just let me have this tonight."

"Anything." Taking that as permission, Dean pressed another tender kiss to Castiel as his hands slowly moving down to stroke Castiel's side, feeling her curves before moving up to caress her bust absently as they slowly kissed. Dean moved to the top button of Castiel's blouse, pushing it loose before Castiel let out a familiar growl that was more characteristic of his male vessel. Castiel broke off the kiss and closed her hands over Dean's and cast a glance upward to meet Dean's eyes before shoving aside Dean's hands and ripping her blouse in half, flying buttons into Dean and to the side.

Dean's eyes followed the path of a stray button that rolled to the side before falling onto floor. Gulping audibly, Dean turned back to Castiel, and immediately wrapped his hands around Castiel's lacy purple bra. Castiel whispered Dean's name softly and Dean leaned down to press a kiss between Castiel's cleavage, gently pulling Castiel's body to arch towards him as he sneaked his hands behind her to unclasp her bra. Dean drew away Castiel's bra and threw it over his shoulders, eyes wide with desire as he took in Castiel's image.

Castiel laid calmly on the bed, neither abashed nor shy, probably because she didn't understand those types of feelings. She just laid there watching Dean watch her and in the end, Dean had to suppress the urge to shiver as he stared into Castiel's intense blue gaze full of—

That was something Dean wasn't sure he was willing to acknowledge yet. So instead, Dean leaned down and pressed a rather chaste kiss to Castiel's lips before moving downward, pressing tiny bites and kisses and licks down towards Castiel's breasts. Dean gently sucked on one of Castiel's breasts as he massaged the other, causing Castiel to squirm and wrap a hand reverently around Dean's head. Dean smiled as he heard Castiel sigh and choke back a whine. He was determined to get some noises out of this normally stoic angel. Who was also normally in a male vessel.

Dean paused only for a brief moment to accede that yes, Dean was going to have sex with Castiel. There was always lust (passion? Desire? An Infatuation? Something else?) for Castiel that had been steadily building over the years. Regardless of what visage Castiel was wearing.

Dean didn't hesitate anymore as he changed sides to press a multitude of kisses to Castiel's other breast as he caressed the other breast his mouth left. Castiel released a small sigh and ran her fingers through Dean's hair as if she was coaxing a small animal to lie down. Well, Dean couldn't have that. Changing strategies, Dean bit Castiel's nipple, causing Castiel to gasp loudly as Dean languidly stroked the pain away with his tongue. Dean started moving down, trailing kisses down her sternum to her abdomen as his hands slid behind Castiel's body to finger the button and zipper of her pencil skirt. Dean wrapped both hands around Castiel's waist and pulled her upwards, sitting Castiel haphazardly on his lap, her legs restricted by her pencil skirt.

"Dean!" Castiel wrapped both arms instinctively around Dean's neck and pressed her face to his neck as Dean undid her pencil skirt.

Dean gently set Castiel back down on the bed, pressing a wet, slow kiss to her lips as he slid her skirt off. Dean broke the kiss to look down, chuckling at the matching lacy purple panties and the fact that Castiel still had her stiletto pumps on. Dean sat back as Castiel's drew her brows inward in a very familiar look of confusion.

"Things usually work better when both partners are naked." Dean quickly removed his jacket, flannel shirt, and T-shirt before getting off the bed to kick off his boots and socks and strip off his jeans. Castiel watched Dean unblinkingly, her gaze holding neither lust nor shyness, something Dean was used to seeing in the women he bedded. But that's why this is Castiel.

Dean paused when he was stripped down to only his boxers and just stood by the side of the bed, a small smile on his face and a growing warmth that was spreading from his groin to the tips of his fingers, toes, hair, _everywhere_. Castiel broke their unintended staring match first and looked down to her shoes. "I should take these off."

"Yeah, you should." Dean sat down by Castiel's feet and lifted her feet and set it on his lap by his erection. Ignoring his need, Dean removed one shoe gently and tossed it aside before kissing the top of Castiel's feet tenderly. Dean repeated this on Castiel's other feet and looked up to meet Castiel's longing eyes.

"Dean. This is the last time...you should take what you need." Castiel then shifted one foot to press against Dean's arousal.

Dean growled, pleasure from such a simple gesture clouding his mind and suppressing the meaning of Castiel's words. "Damn it, Cas." Dean took a hold Castiel's foot and held it away from his erection as he struggled to regain his breath. But as that burst of pleasure died down and clarity returned to Dean's brain, Dean finally registered Castiel's words. _The last time_. This was their last and _only_ time. Because they were enemies, as close to the word as they could possibly be. Because they were on opposite sides, one hoping to open the gates to Purgatory and the other hoping to never have those gates open. Because whatever they had between them, _this_, would never be explored again and Dean does not want to think about what that means. And as with all situations Dean never wants to accept, he eithers denies it or cracks an awful joke.

He did the latter. "If I rock your first time to Heaven and back and then some, would you reconsider ditching the Scottish prick for me instead?"

Castiel blinks once before a small, poignant smile tugs her lips upward slightly. "No. It's not broken Dean."

Dean nodded absently, his eyes wetter than he would rather admit to and instead moves up the bed to lie over Castiel. Castiel accepts him with open arms as she always has, from the fiery depths of Hell to the broken man about to say yes to Michael. Castiel just always accepted him.

Dean pressed a kiss to Castiel's neck, her familiar scent both a comfort and a reminder of the rift that separated them except for that one night. "Fuck Cas, please don't do this…_please._"

"I can't stop. I'm sorry Dean, I really am," replied Castiel as one hand carded through Dean's hair comfortingly and the other absently tracing her own burnt-in handprint.

Dean pushed himself up to meet Castiel's shinning liquid blue eyes and whispered, "Fuck," before meeting Castiel's lip passionately and pressing his hips down to grind into Castiel's clothed nether region. Castiel gasped Dean's name as Dean finally kicked off his last article of clothing. Dean slid down to kiss Castiel's stomach and wrapped both hands around the waist band of her panties. Dean peered upward to meet Castiel's nod before gently tugging down Castiel's panties and throwing them to the side.

As expected, Castiel was unabashed by her nakedness. But she did moan in surprise when Dean pressed his mouth to her most private region. She hissed Dean's name out as Dean slid his tongue in and out of her as a thumb stroked her clitoris. Castiel clenched her eyes shut as both fists gripped the duvet to the point of ripping it, its polyester and cotton stuffing leaking out in parallel to Castiel's own wetness.

Dean pulled back and simply allowed his fingers to massage Castiel's womanhood as he watched Castiel. Seeing a woman like this would normally arouse Dean to the point where he would be a wild animal in the sack, but it just wasn't the same. Yes, Dean was aroused, _very_ much so. But as Castiel caught her breath and met Dean's gaze, all Dean could feel was sadness, pain, and an overwhelming fondness…

Dean shifted to grab his wallet from his jeans off the floor. Dean pulled out a condom before Castiel stopped him with a hand over his. "I'm an angel," said Castiel matter-of-factly, as if that explained everything. And it did.

Dean dropped the condom back onto the floor and moved up to kiss Castiel again, his hips lining up with her opening. After a few moments, Dean pulled back to whisper against her lips, "I'm going in now."

"Do it," said Castiel with a nod and wrapped both arms around Dean's neck.

Pushing in was uneventful, especially since Dean knew Castiel was a virgin. But whether or not it pained Castiel, Dean couldn't tell and Castiel made no mention of it. Dean just naturally wound both arms around Castiel and held her tightly, pressing kisses all around her neck, breast, chin, and lips as he moved in and out thoroughly. Castiel reciprocated those kisses, pressing most of them behind Dean's ear as her breath hitched with every push. Steadily, the two intertwined bodies moved in sync, hoping this moment of closeness and comfort never ended since the end means they would have to separate and face the other on opposite sides again.

"Dean," breathed Castiel in that musical voice into Dean's ear. "I just wanted—" Castiel's breath hitched as Dean pressed in. "To tell you—"

"I know," ground out Dean into Castiel's neck and hoped that Castiel would think the liquid running down her neck was simply sweat and not something else.

"No, you don't—" Another hitch of breath that was quickly followed by a gasp as Castiel's muscles clenched rhythmically in her climax. "I love you…"

Dean gasped as his orgasm was pulled out of him and he clung to Castiel tightly enough to bruise if not the fact that Castiel was an angel. But those words, _I love you_. It was as if that was the meaning of life itself. It was the answer that filled the void inside that Dean could never name or put words to. Castiel _loves_ him. And as Dean fell bonelessly onto Castiel as he attempted to catch his breath, Dean realised he _didn't_ know. He didn't know anything at all and now everything just clicked. Everything Castiel does is for _him_, because she—he—_Castiel_ loves him. "Fuck," repeated Dean miserably for the umpteenth time that night.

Castiel didn't respond, but merely held onto Dean, carefully rubbing his back comfortingly as Dean rested against her. After several silent minutes, Dean finally pushed himself up and pulled out as gently as he could from Castiel. Castiel's face remained stoic but morphed into one of kind sincere love when Dean rested himself on Castiel again to kiss her again and again. After what felt like hours of simply holding each other, exchanging kisses, Dean pushed away and rolled to the side, pulling Castiel atop of him so that she could rest on him instead.

It was Castiel who broke the silence first. "I was hoping that somehow you would recognise me."

Dean blinked a few times in confusion, the lazy contentment of sex still holding his brain hostage. Dean licked his lips, tasting Castiel on his lips before pressing a kiss to Castiel's temple. "You mean in a female vessel."

Castiel nodded. "As you may have already guessed, I can cloak myself from the human senses."

"Could you make me invisible? Because that would make things a hell of a lot easier."

"No I cannot."

"But that's not the only reason why suddenly decided to swap Jimmy for a hot librarian, is it?"

"I cannot deny that." Castiel looked up to meet Dean's gaze again. "I was…I was hoping that as a woman…I wanted this at least once."

"To lose your virginity?"

"To you."

Dean snorted softly, but without derision. "You could have just asked before."

"But would you have actually done anything before?"

Dean shrugged, honestly not knowing whether or not he would have pursued his…feelings for Castiel had she been riding around in Jimmy Novak's meat suit. Dean was still trying to wrap his head around the fact he loves Castiel—

"Shit!" cursed Dean aloud. That wasn't what Dean was trying to think about. What he meant to think was that Castiel loves him and not his love for Castiel—

"Dean." Castiel's soft voice broke through Dean's internal crisis. Castiel pulled herself up over Dean, straddling his stomach and Dean's hand automatically going to her waist. "Dean," repeated Castiel before pulling an angel blade from who-knows-where.

Dean froze, panic overtaking him as quickly as it faded when he met Castiel's shinning, wet eyes full of sorrow, regret, and love (the one thing Dean didn't want to acknowledge until now since Castiel just said it). Castiel took the hand that was not at her waist in her own and pressed the angel blade into his hand, wrapping his shocked fingers around the hilt. She then directed the blade so that it was between her breasts, its tip threatening to pierce through.

"Cas, what the fuck—?"

"For everything Jimmy had sacrificed by becoming my vessel, I couldn't take this from him, from his family. Dean, you said you were going to stop me from opening Purgatory and I said I won't stop—I can't stop. So stop me, Dean. Please. I don't know what is right or wrong anymore. I just don't…"

Dean's hand shook within Castiel's focused and unwavering grip over Dean's hand. Dean tore his eyes from Castiel's, tears threatening to well up within his eyes. He said he would stop Castiel, but not like this. He never even thought that it would come to this. "No," rasped Dean through his suddenly dry mouth. "No!" repeated Dean as he tugged violently, pulling his hand from Castiel's grip and throwing the angel blade across the room and instead wrapped his hand around Castiel's head, tangling in her hair, to pull her down into another searing kiss.

"I can't Cas, I can't," whispered Dean into his kiss. "Please just stop. I can't even consider this…"

Castiel shook her head mutely before finally pulling away and sitting up over Dean, tears streaming down her face. "I can't stop. Please, just trust me…"

"Not for this Cas. Not for this."

"Then…I'm just sorry."

"I'm sorry too, and—" Castiel cut Dean off with one last kiss. Tearful blue and green eyes met one last time before the weight from Dean's chest disappeared with the sound of fluttering wings. Dean's fingers clenched reflexively as it clutched the empty air. The 'I love you' at the end of that sentence went unsaid.

* * *

><p>Done! Damn, angsty, yet passionate sex is hard to write! I had actually started writing this right after "The Man Who Would Be King" aired, but then I wanted to see how the season finale would go before I finished and posted this. Turns out, I didn't want to incorporate any aspects after episode 20 into this one-shot; it was too sad.<p>

There actually aren't very many notes for this one-shot. The only thing about this story is that it's my first heterosexual sex scene. Also, just to clarify, the times Dean saw Cas was: 1) the bar and the woman he thought was hot in the pencil skirt, 2) the businesswoman at the diner during breakfast, 3) the businesswoman in front of Sam at the cash register at the gas station, and 4) the last time at the restaurant where Dean actually figured out it was Cas.

**SEASON 6 FINALE DISCUSSION, SKIP IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE SPOILED.**

Season 6 left way too many unanswered questions and it felt a lot like the writers started one thread, then forgot about it and started another one. I'm trying to see where the writers put Castiel at the season finale, but at the same time, I'm like 'no way in heaven or hell would Cas fall that far.' I think the writers are trying to show Cas as the fallen hero. Castiel is the righteous hero who believes in truth, freedom, justice, etc. [coughloveofDeancough] who in the end was left in a desperate situation because he didn't want to burden his friends (Dean). Hence, he was tempted by the devil and darkness. Castiel's hubris and pride blinded him from seeing how far he had fallen, but in the end, I think what really allowed Cas to succumb to the darkness [for lack of better terms], was Sam, Bobby, and especially Dean going against Cas (hence I think, his 'I have no family' comment). Cas is basically left without support and love (hence his demand for their love or die) and I think whatever escaped from Purgatory was able to take control of Cas and his darkness as a result, or he just snapped. That's what I think the writers were trying to convey. If that's not what they're trying to say, they completely fail and I'm completely confused.

Oh, and season seven better be about finding a way to SAVE CASTIEL, not find a way to destroy Castiel. Because that would just destroy everything Castiel represents and from I can tell, Cas is the desperate hero who needs to be saved from his darkness. Either way, I'm probably saving judgement on next season after I watch the season premier.

Lastly, kudos to Misha Collins on playing God!Cas; I got chills and the first thing I thought was, 'Lucifer!'

You know with all of these discussions, I should probably create a livejournal or something huh? If anything to archive my fics.

-Sailor Moonac


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